It was been 11 weeks and one day. The season of daffadils signally that it is spring has passed and the scent of summer is in the air today. I'm learning how to live in joy again. I almost feel "normal." Jesse's plumbing business is busier than it has ever been, I'm working part-time in the office at the island's gas station and soon will be working the til at Home Hardware. There's much to keep my brain occupied and I'm thankful for that because without fail, when left to my own devices, my thoughts drift back to my daughter and being pregnant with her. I have felt the deepest that I can feel. Grief to me is expelling the pain that lies deep within you. It is letting yourself feel the intensity of realizing what you've lost. And there is so much that is lost, so much that is no longer a part of your everyday. I have reached the bottom of the pit and I have wallowed there. While I am getting better at climbing out to face life's everyday demands and challenges, I so easily slip back in and down the slope to the bed of tears awaiting. When people ask how am I doing, I don't really know what to tell them. It doesn't hurt less but I don't visit those memories as much.
So this update is simply to expell some more grief and try to make sense of where I am. I still haven't quite figured it out but I'll write more later in the hopes of more clarity.
