I've heard it said that nothing quite prepares you for being a parent. Is that ever true.
My son, Shae Ferdinand Jase Bowen was born at 2:27 a.m. on Jan. 19, 2012. He was just a wee guy, only 5 lb, 6 oz. Now at five weeks old and weighing close to 9 lb., I can't imagine if he had been bigger! But he sure plans to be a big boy it would seem by his dramatic weight gain. And with big growth, it should only make sense that there are some big changes happening in his little body that are giving him a great deal of trouble in the sleep department.
Up til four weeks, I had what is called an "Angel" baby. My friend Amanda refers to them as slugs because all they do for the first bit is sleep, eat and poop. The frequent feedings at night were plenty to keep me fatigued on the best of days. But then we hit week four and things changed. My Angel baby has trouble staying asleep longer than 30 minutes! I blame myself. You see, I introduced "the pacifier" to him this last week in the attempt of getting a little routine going. I read in a book that you want to enable babies to develop their own self-soothing mechanism. If you normally send them to dreamland via the breast, they're always going to need that boob to get to sleep. So the solution? If they've already had their feeding and they aren't sleeping yet, instead of popping the boob into their anxious to "suck their way to dreamland" little mouth, give them the pacifier. Because the theory is that they'll suck enthusiastically for six or so minutes and fade off and the soother will fall out before they become comatose. Eventually, they won't even need it to fall asleep. Sounds good right? Well somewhere along the way, that logic backfired or I misapplied it, but Shae can't keep the soother in his mouth oftentimes for more than a minute at which point he fusses for it or my boob. So what does Mommy do? Gotta help the poor little man so she puts it back in his eager mouth and eventually, he would pop it out and sleep away. At least for the first two or three days... Now, the soother holds a power over my little boy's mind. Without it, there is no peace, no sleep, no ease, neither for him or Mommy. The result is this: when he does finally drift off after what is usually at least an hour of dedicated watching and saying "shhhhhh, shhhhh," he wakes up after 20-30 minutes, realizing his soother is gone!
As you can imagine, nap time has become an all day, all encompassing task in which both Mother and baby get more and more frustrated. My poor Shae gets more and more overtired and I get more and more frustrated and anxious.
Oh and that routine I was trying to put him on? Help him to sleep in his own bed, persevere, use key words to lull him to sleep, we'll have to get back to that in a month or so. For now, I just need him to sleep period, I don't care anymore where or how for the time being.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Count down
Tomorrow marks one week until my little guy is said to make his entrance into this world. It's a new year with many new challenges and joys to be had.
I sometimes find it rather incredulous how I am about to have my second child in under 12 months. I was pregnant this time last year. In fact, besides the fact that I had about seven weeks between pregnancies, I've been preganant for almost a year and a half. I am very much anticipating having a flat belly again and being able to drink red wine.
Being the new year, I suppose it is in order to evaluate the year past. When I was out walking with two good friends of mine on Pender the other day, I tried to draw a conclusion on how 2011 was for me. My friend Amanda was able to say without restraint that it was the worst year of her life. This is in lieu of her daughter Gabrielle being born with a heart defect and spending the year in and out of hospitals with multiple surgeries and monitoring. My friend remarked to me that it must have been the worst year for me as well. And here's where I struggled to sum it up but I think I can now summize how I feel about 2011.
The worst thing of my life did happen in 2011. Even now, the thought of those first few agonizing days, weeks and months sends my nerves into a state of trembling grief and my throat tightens while I swallow the cry that wants to escape. That being said, I've found myself able to be happy and full of plans for the future again, especially in recent months. I think that the coming of our baby boy has given me something to nurture and look forward to. Instead of living every day only able to think about what my Shaely would be learning how to do now, I find myself also thinking about what this little man will be like. He is such a rambunctious one already. I sense he has a spirit of joy and zest for the life he is about to begin in this world. That day is not too far off, a week tomorrow is the expected due date so hopefully the little man won't keep us waiting too long.
So in short, 2011 saw a piece of me broken and the absolute lowest I have ever been. It also brought me hope of healing and a little boy to love. Because even though I lost my little girl whom I was so excited to love and nurture in her growing-up years, that need to love and nurture didn't leave with her. My heart is still broken for those years I will never have with her.
Little man, you have been a healer to us. You have given us incentive to not let ourselves drown in the ocean of grief that engulfed us when we lost your sister. You have given us much to be excited for and look forward to. We can't wait to give you all our love and devotion. See you very, very soon!
I sometimes find it rather incredulous how I am about to have my second child in under 12 months. I was pregnant this time last year. In fact, besides the fact that I had about seven weeks between pregnancies, I've been preganant for almost a year and a half. I am very much anticipating having a flat belly again and being able to drink red wine.
Being the new year, I suppose it is in order to evaluate the year past. When I was out walking with two good friends of mine on Pender the other day, I tried to draw a conclusion on how 2011 was for me. My friend Amanda was able to say without restraint that it was the worst year of her life. This is in lieu of her daughter Gabrielle being born with a heart defect and spending the year in and out of hospitals with multiple surgeries and monitoring. My friend remarked to me that it must have been the worst year for me as well. And here's where I struggled to sum it up but I think I can now summize how I feel about 2011.
The worst thing of my life did happen in 2011. Even now, the thought of those first few agonizing days, weeks and months sends my nerves into a state of trembling grief and my throat tightens while I swallow the cry that wants to escape. That being said, I've found myself able to be happy and full of plans for the future again, especially in recent months. I think that the coming of our baby boy has given me something to nurture and look forward to. Instead of living every day only able to think about what my Shaely would be learning how to do now, I find myself also thinking about what this little man will be like. He is such a rambunctious one already. I sense he has a spirit of joy and zest for the life he is about to begin in this world. That day is not too far off, a week tomorrow is the expected due date so hopefully the little man won't keep us waiting too long.
So in short, 2011 saw a piece of me broken and the absolute lowest I have ever been. It also brought me hope of healing and a little boy to love. Because even though I lost my little girl whom I was so excited to love and nurture in her growing-up years, that need to love and nurture didn't leave with her. My heart is still broken for those years I will never have with her.
Little man, you have been a healer to us. You have given us incentive to not let ourselves drown in the ocean of grief that engulfed us when we lost your sister. You have given us much to be excited for and look forward to. We can't wait to give you all our love and devotion. See you very, very soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)